Confession of a self-proclaimed wife.

Funny...very funny.
Pretending to be asleep but the truth is my tears are in marathon now. I won't even have the courage to face this man.

In this bed, I am his wife.
In this bed, he is my husband.
He is hiding that shit (cellphone) under the pillow.
I couldn't hug him. I couldn't snuggle. His smell suffocates me and it's killing my inside.

As a normal wife, I'd be at the edge of the bed trying not to breathe. He might hear my mourning.
And as a normal wife, I'd say I'm okay.

Is it me who's acting really weird or is it you who hides your phone under the pillow and brings it at the bathroom in the middle of the night even if you're just gonna pee?

This isn't weirdness. This is a wife's instinct and I can't sleep with this.
And so I waited for you to go to work early this morning. My head's clouded. I checked your digital camera but there's no photo (or even a memory card). I opened your Mac but there's a password.
Fuck! I am in paranoia. I checked your bags and there's none.

I checked your closet and there's one. Oh yeah. I am not mistaken. You have one lady's shirt in your closet. Is this an evidence? Oh, I dunno. I forgot you are a divorced man. Maybe this is your ex-wife's shirt.
But, isn't this really small for her? Maybe, just maybe, this shirt belongs to somebody.

I don't want to confront you with this but it seems really obvious. You're not like this before.
Where's our sweet kisses? ---the never-ending kisses? Where's the random hugs? We lost it already.

I am a paranoid wife here waiting for you to come home. Is this how it really feels like to be a wife?
If so, I don't want this.

Upon waking up, I realize I am not actually your wife. I am not even your girlfriend. This is an undefined relationship. And if you met someone new, why would I even complain?
I guess I'll just let this undefined "thing" pass by and mourn silently.